"I DARE....!!"

 

I wake up, sun shining too bright,

or is it that I find the room dark?

Eyes flinch to see this fearless harbinger

I close my eyes, get ready for today.

I look at the bedsheet, flowers there are,

colorful, hues of parrot green and cherry red

I stare, too deep, lost in colours so vivid

Maybe life is black, or I've shut my eyes.

Sensing back the world I live in, I steady,

to get ready, don my mask, that

even I did not create, but moulded by others

the hopes, complaints, aspirations, expectations.

Clothes, I see, bundled in the corner, crumpled.

Another botheration, what to cover myself in

This, also, revolves around others, I see

Am I living my life, or am I part of the Play?

Mirror stares back at me, its I who look down 

This skirt, no maybe its a bit short

short enough to excite the beasts around

I shall wear it tomorrow, I lie to myself.

Now I turn to my favorite top, I like it

But the last time I adorned it, a rogue had whistled

No, there it goes on the heap, where the skirt lay

Maybe next time, when I go to my friend's house.

Hangers dangle, as I push them, I find a salwaar suit

the laces and sequins dont please me

that bus conductor had held my dupatta, bastard,

I feel an impulse of repulse, I still shudder.

This exercise now tires me, I manage to stand

and choose a white salwaar kameez, no

without the sparkles and the beads this time

hoping I pass unnoticed, the devils remain oblivious to my feminity.

I see the bangles and the danglers in my closet,

how tastefully had I collected them, preserved them

Now they are becoming a distant memory, the

dreams in which I see them make the memories.

Maybe tomorrow, I assure the girl in meI shall wear what I want, how I wish, but inside,

I know that tomorrow will become one of those

uncountable tomorrows that compose my fantasy.

I  am ready, I look up in the mirror finally

Hope I look unattractive, plain, useless catch

My mother approves, but tells me

to tie the tresses in a bun, it may call attention.

Nay, I say, I like them down, they cover me up

but sadness overcomes her face, and I surrender.

Distastefully confine them in a messy bundle

and satisfied, I pray to my Gods and leave.

I check my bag, Ah! the new companions I greet,

Pepper and chilli sprays, emergency numbers, a torch,

have replaced the lip balms and sunscreens,

What use do they have?, my mother had said.

I enter the lift, two boys I see, 

too late to back out, too early to call for help.

They scrutinise me, head to toe, the everyday scan

I undergo, millions of times.

I ignore, they comment, caustic, acidic

words I can bear, but the scars hurt

Doors open, I hurry, rather scurry out

they snicker, Ah, so typical of this folk.

Now its the autowallahs, I remind myself,

I board one, aware of the lewd stare,

a biker waits near me, in the jam

looks in, that lascivious scan again, I bear.

I become blind, deaf, dumb, to everything around

I am in a nightmare, it will end, I lie

I walk, thinking of those Bollywood songs I hear on the radio near,

What is it? Ah yes, Fevicol.

I laugh, the imaginary world of Sheela, Munni and so may others,

they dance, the beasts enjoy, we suffer.

If only they knew, the gruesome world outside

their high security, bodyguard safety. 

I am today's woman, who dared to step out,

to struggle, to bear the brunt,

of my sin of being a child bearer.

Yes, it is me who is responsible for what happens, they say.

 Neha Maniktala

BBA LLB, 2nd Semester

Division:B